Been a long time. Work’s been tough. Sometimes life’s obligations just get ahead of themselves. Met some incredible new people. Discovered some amazing stuff about old ones. I have this thing about discoveries. Every time some little fact of life strikes me, all of a sudden, I treat it as a discovery. Or a realization. Like when I came back home and realized that smart-ass kid brother is like a best friend now. Like when you see you family and friends around you on graduation day, and you suddenly realize that they all love you so much, and how lucky you are to have them share a special day with you. I always let these realizations hit me headlong. So what if they aren’t big? The drama attached makes sure you remember it, and that’s what the point is. People should keep their eyes open for such realizations.
Another such realization this week. I have often heard people rant about ‘professional relationships’. With their bosses. With colleagues. With clients. Actors with actresses, marketing departments with ad agency guys, Students with instructors. People in Delhi complain about work culture in Bombay being so much better because of the professionalism in their work relationships. Sure, I don’t have that much workex, but in 24 years of life-ex, I have realized that there is absolutely nothing called a professional relationship. And if there is, it doesn’t work.
Wait. Before you launch into an indignant, and may I have the honor of saying, logical counter-attack, I may as well warn you, it will not appeal to the logic of the Goddess, so save it. I stand firm on my view, that professional relationships, if there is any such thing, have no chances of succeeding. One simple reason. A relationship must be personal. For a bond to flower, to grow and to prosper, it needs effort and nurturing, a very personal touch. I never had a professional relationship with anyone. My bosses were mentors and teachers, and neither role can work if they don’t have a certain father-figure-feeling about it. The only female boss I had was a tough taskmaster, but a dear friend and partner-in-crime when it came to making fun of less-talented colleagues (OK I hang my head in shame). My Math teacher in third grade is still my favorite, after decades, only because she treated us like her own children, even though I hate Math! The colleagues I learn most from are the ones who take me out for a beer after they have made me feel like committing suicide for making stupid mistakes out of sheer dumbness. My boss these days questions me about mundane stuff that is impossible to remember unless you have a spreadsheet in front of you, and his speed is sort of ‘flying with the riddler’ type, and he totally grabs every opportunity to make me feel like an utter fool. But the same guy shields me like an older brother from the superbosslady, who is terror personified, and never fails to throw a friendly wink my way when something particularly unpleasant was mentioned. Bombay, Delhi, who cares? People everywhere are the same. Just as long as there is that personal touch in those relationships which take up about 12-14 hours of your day, they are bound to succeed, and life will be so much happier. It’s so much nicer to work in places where you’ve made a surrogate family and tons of friends. Sure there are boundaries which are not to be crossed, and there are balances to be maintained, but which relationship doesn’t need those two things?
I have no professional relationships. That’s why I feel like going to work on Monday mornings.
9 Comments:
...i am just thinking out aloud here...and pretty much along the lines of what you say...
i think a 'professional' relationship - as it is made out to be - is simply a standard relationship and interaction between two people at work. differenciator being, is that in these professional relationships, you can look a person straight in the eye at the end of the day and fire him without feeling too bad. or ride roughshod over a colleage in competition and still have the beer the next friday evening. an association where one can be cold and calculating - and warm and comfortable - in different planes at the same instant with the same person. and it works only when the other person knows and understands it - and can live it.
i have known and worked with people where this sort of chimeraic duality has worked. a CEO i reported to who has been my senior at design school - who was my smoke-buddy in the fire escape - and my debator accross the boardroom table - whom i worked very hard to get removed from office - and who finally succeeded in geting me to walk away. we are still the best of friends - and the worst of enemies.
or the half-dozed odd of the fifty people reproting to me - whom i favor personally because they are a generally cool bunch - but whom i would treat equally during the appraisal - or when they screw up.
or the teacher whose kid is studying in her class in school - where family and teacher-student intractions make a strange dovetail.
fact is, a relationship and association at the workplace is as complicated and fine as is one at home, or under the sunny eucalyptus. and calling them personal, professional, sporting or submarine are just futile means to calssify and codify phenomenon that are inherently distinct and unique.
@richtofen,
welcome to the temple. 'sunny eucalyptus'...what a sweet expression. forgive my ignorance, but haven't that one earlier. [permission sought to make use of it in later posts...] ok ok kidding...
thank you,
for the welcome to the temple. and yes, please go right ahead on the expression. it is public domain.
- templar
aha! So u have an irritating little bro and I have an elder sis I irritate. We should get together one day and see how the chemistry react. lolx.
My fren was in a relationship wit her boss. When I asked her if its dangerous, she said it was strictly professional. And when I reminded her about the late dinner parties and making out sessions and ask if that is also professional, she winked at me and said, "thats their profession". :-) Sweet.
new post! new post!
maybe you just are a sensitive person who makes all her relationships personal...for you the word relationship itself means sharing some true part of you with another.
I tend to disagree here. Professional relations can just be kept strong and intact with the absence of the personal touch to it. Its when you start lending a personal touch that the line dividing the two gets blurred. I share a professional relationship with most of my subordinates it means I do not invite them to my private parties. But it also does not mean that I do not go out for a drink with them.
Every relationship needs different nurturing skillsets. And professional relations, like personal, can be kept intact because the characteristics itself are so different.
@shubhojit,
welcome. of course, to each his own. But to me, an invitation to a private party is not the only way things cd get personal. A shared drink is good enough. Gaining and sharing trust - personal for me, professional for you. For me, all people, a common thread. I simplify.
Keep paying your respects!
@illusionaire,
let's check chemistry!
@red baron,
looks like you've stopped your visits! well, if ever...
@anonymous,
shrewd observation. ur right.
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